I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
