none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
