I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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