Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
