you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
