The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pants are for mortals
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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