I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
