wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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