Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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