Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Randomize
