i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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