we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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