How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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