if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
