hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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