Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
