While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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