Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
