The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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