so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The adults are the big ones right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
