you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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