Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
