You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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