I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
