If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
