What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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