after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
