'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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