Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Randomize
