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• (408): View more from California

  booty call

  (925): View more from California

  i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"

  (646): View more from New York

  how do you like your eggs?

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  over tits

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

  Fav 11 1825 4192

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• (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence

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• (845): View more from New York

  Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  ...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  Just got a handjob in the hospital

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  A new low.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...

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