Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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