just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
