he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish you could order shots online.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
