Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
