Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
