May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
