Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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