I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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