I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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