You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
