In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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