I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
