Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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