Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
