talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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