If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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