my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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