Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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