What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
