I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
