Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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